I think that the reason we are so “nuts” in our first love is that we’re naive enough at the time to really give ourselves completely. That first time we’re emotionally naked, never imagining that this isn’t “meant to be.” We, ourselves, surrender completely to the object of love, feeling that it is so mutual, that not only are we incapable of hurting this person, but they, in turn, must be incapable of hurting us. In that security, we can love completely and, thus, we feel loved completely. It is this reciprocal “unconditional love” that we never really get over.
I really think that the experience is unique because we get hurt, and our partners get hurt, and we find out that love isn’t all encompassing. It is not 100% both ways. As we have more relationships, we realize that feelings aren’t always mutual, that people can get hurt, and that people can hurt us. The result is being guarded. Its self protection and fear. We want control now, we want to make sure the person loves us as much as we love them.
There are many people, women mostly, who go from one serious relationship directly into another, directly into another, directly into another… and seem to never NOT be in a relationship. This is bad.
People who never experience being on their own lose a part of themselves. Either that or they don’t give themselves the opportunity to allow their true essence of themselves to surface. All of their adult life experience is centered around someone else. A person needs time alone to reflect, to search themselves, to find what it is that drives them, pains them, and causes them to really act.
When I learn that a woman’s life wasn’t a lengthy serious of relationships, that tells me that she may actually be able to entertain herself, that she has outside interests, that she’s taken the time to actually get to know herself, explore passions and hobbies, develop skills, enjoy her world, and become someone who deserves good things to happen. It’s a sign of strength and confidence, creativity, independence, and the ability to just appreciate things.
The biggest cliché needs further elaboration: There is a reason the two of you broke up: a bigger reason. It’s not something like, “He cheated on me” or “I gained a lot of weight and was a constant nag.” Instead, it’s a reason that comes from your soul that says, “It’s time you moved on to something else. You are finished here. You have other life experiences to gain from.”
Im so sick it’s not even funny. I have the worstest headache taking over my face. My body is aching from todays heavy workout. I keep sniffling. And i just feel horrible overall.
Oh! AND i have a philosophy paper due tomorrow. Have I started it? No. Have I done the readings? No. Have you nay idea what you’re gonna do? No.
Am I scared as fuck? Oh hell yeah.
So I’m pretty much screwed as you can obviously tell. And now my mom wants me to go with her for carpool to go pick up my sister all the way at SJ, then comeback and pick up Alexa at Saint Paul and watch the volleyball game till 5. Ugh.
So tonights either gonna go two ways.
1. I’m gonna work my ass off and pull an all nighter until i give this philosophy my 100% effort which it deserves and that i need
2. Totally BS the entire thing and say that I’ll just do better next time.
Welp! i’m obviously leaning more towards the first one right now but we’ll see how this goes later on tonight! Pray for me! Cuz I’m gonna need all the prayers I can get.